Always a Choice

Every other week I meet with a group of seniors in an independent living community where I live. I noticed in making my visits there over the years that we tend to fixate on the negative aspects of our lives as we age, the things we can no longer do, like live in our familiar house or drive a car or see the remote control.

There’s no doubt it’s not easy when life changes, when our body begins to break down, when we lose independence. Which makes it ironic and a little funny that so many of these senior living places are called independent living facilities, because the residents are actually in a slow motion loss of independence.

I noticed the grumbling and the fixation on what has been lost, so I started holding something I call the Good News Group every other Saturday morning. I scour the internets for some good news and I ask each one in the circle to share one thing from their life that’s good.

It’s not hard to come up with something good, like … my daughter is coming to visit or I’m going out to lunch with a friend. A lot of the time someone will say I’m still here!

What I’m trying to get them to do is slip on a different set of glasses and see the world in a positive way, rather than being sucked into what they see on TV and feeling depressed.

I absolutely adore each and every one of them. They say the funniest things.

My first job, out of college, was was teaching in a kindergarten classroom and those humans were absolutely hilarious. I still have the notebook where I wrote the hilarious things that came out of their mouths, and I am not a keeper of things.

Being with my senior friends reminds me a lot of the days I spent in kindergarten. They crack me up, and the best part is that they’re not trying to be funny.

Yesterday some of them were expressing their frustration with technology and one of the women explained that her son was going to be on the radio and she could not figure out how to get the right channel.

It can’t be easy for their generation, to continue to try to manage the changes in technology.

The thing is that doing the Good New Group, over time, trains you to see the world in a positive light. I am always on the lookout for good things to share with my friends.

Like this.

Yesterday my kids and I went to the local garden center. Edward, who runs the place, maybe owns it, I’m not sure, is so delightful and kind. I love going there to visit the plant life and I really enjoy Edward’s lovely nature. Yesterday we started talking about my favorite flower: Lily of the Valley. I asked Edward if they ever sell it and he explained the reasons why they don’t. However, eagle-eye Mišel, who also loves the flower, noticed that there is a lot of it growing near a tree at the entrance to the garden center.

After our conversation about Lily of the Valley Edward suggested he could dig some up for me, which he did, in the pouring rain, then left a big clump of it where we would find it on our way out. The girls and I gathered it up and brought it to the car and today I’ll plant it in the yard, thinking of how grateful I am for Edward’s kindness and generosity. And also his bright smile, which always makes my day.

When I tell the folks at the independent-ish living facility is that there are good things happening all the time, everywhere you go, I’m not making it up to try to get them to feel better. It’s true. Life is full of kind people doing nice things. You can decide if you’re going to fixate on the person who wronged you twenty years ago, or you can decide to live in your life today, grateful for what’s going well.

I guarantee you, I feel certain about this, that when we die we get to look back and see just how good we had it. Just how much energy we wasted thinking crummy thoughts and wanting to get even with someone. The human brain tends to fixate on the negative, no doubt a holdover from the days when we had to be on the look-out for the saber tooth tiger ready to pounce. Negativity kept humans alive then. Today we can die a slow death being angry every day that life isn’t going the way we want it to.

Or we can look around, size it up and decide it’s pretty good. Many days it’s better than good. There’s always something that’s not going well and there always will be. And there is also always Lily of the Valley, the smell of which is swoony, and kind Edward and interesting kids and beautiful rain and funny seniors trying to find the right channel on the radio.

Always a choice and just a reminder, life is quite short.
Have a beautiful day. xo, mo