That depends.
I’ve lived in the realm of death and dying for a while now. Technically I could argue that I’ve lived in that realm since the moment I was born, but that feels a bit … smug. Where and when did it begin? Ten years ago when I trained for hospice work? Twenty years ago when I watched the people jump out of the Towers in NYC? Forty years ago when I looked looked up and saw the car speeding toward me?
I don’t know and hello and good morning my friends!
Last year a friend of mine read my natal chart and told me that I have a contractual relationship with death.
It doesn’t pay well, let me tell you that much. At least not in the monetary sense. No one wants to talk about it, no one wants to imagine it, no one wants to face the truth.
What truth? you ask with your freshly-brewed breakfast bevy by your side.
This one: 100% of people die.
One out of every one person will die.
Those are amazing odds.
So, yes, you are going to die. So am I and every other living thing. And, yes, I have seen some patterns emerge over the years I’ve spent cozied up with this truth and lots and lots of people going through the process.
One of the most pressing questions, perhaps concerns, people have on the subject is will it hurt?
It’s an excellent question.
Physically, probably not. You know about morphine. I know about morphine. I can still, four decades later, recall very clearly how good it felt after I pressed that little button attached to the morphine machine beside my hospital bed … the bliss, the depth of the sleep.
Morphine is very, very good at alleviating pain.
I know there are lots of other painkillers out there, too, but I’m not familiar with them. But I know there are LOTS.
So the process of dying, if you don’t die quickly, is not painful. I’ve heard that some people want to be lucid and free of pain meds while they are dying. I thought that, too, when I was giving birth and that chummy little idea lasted about 30 seconds into the contractions. To me it’s the end result that matters, not so much the process, in both entering and exiting this world.
So, dying does not hurt. Not physically. Unless you want it to.
Any suffering around dying is largely existential. If you have not lived your life in ways that made sense to you, if you have not manifested the contents of your soul, if you are angry and have not said the things that need to be said to people you love (I’m sorry; please forgive me; I forgive you) then you will suffer when you’re dying. If you have taken advantage of others, refused to deal with your traumas, blamed others for the things that aren’t working in your life then you will suffer when you die. It will hurt in ways far deeper than physical pain ever could. And there is no drug to erase this hurt.
You are given the gift of a lifetime to do what needs to be done. You are aware of how that works: be kind, tell the truth, live clean, say I’m sorry, do better the next time. Dig up the truth of your soul and put it to work in the world. Figure out who needs help out there and get busy.
I say this at the risk of offending many. In the end it won’t matter what your pronouns are, your new tattoo or the color of your hair. Whether your body carried extra pounds or not enough. You will come back and come back and come back, as a man, as a woman, black, white, pink, you will keep coming back in different variations until you are finally ready to understand that you are here to be of service to this world, to improve the wretched conditions in which we find ourselves and to advance the understandings of your soul. You are here to balance the scales of pain. You came into this world with gifts and a purpose. You are not here to drug yourself out of the pain of this life. You are here to stand in awe of the world around you and to find out who needs help. And if it’s help that you need then you are here to learn how to soften and receive.
Will it hurt when I die? is a fair question. Have I lived well? will give you the answer.
Hilma af Klint, The Swan No. 1
I am happy to answer (if possible) any questions or curiosities you may have around death and dying. I can help you connect with someone you love who has made the passage out of here and lives in Spirit. Drop me a line and we can work things out. xomo
It is a comfort to have you as an advisor, teacher, and friend. You help us understand that we are living in transitiion. I am more curious about death and dying as I age each day because I realize when it here today will change tomorrow. Perhaps I will cross over to the Rainbow Road. Keep writing. We need your knowledge. Love, ME